I don’t remember exactly how long ago it was that I stumbled across Your Big Beautiful Book Plan, written by Linda Siversten and Danielle Laporte. I know that I wanted it, but I was afraid to invest in it. I was afraid to spend the $150 it would cost me to get it. Even after they created a payment plan, I hesitated. What if I was wrong? What if I spent the money and it didn’t work for me, or I couldn’t make it work?
The Unnamed Fear
A week and a half ago, my husband and I got into a fight over my writing. He told me that he was noticing a pattern. Every time I got close to finishing something that could be powerful or successful, I would hesitate and hold back. I would change directions, lose momentum, or give up on it. It was like I was spooked by the possibility of my own success. He asked me, “What are you so afraid of?”
It was a good question, and I didn’t have an answer. I couldn’t name the fear. I didn’t know what was stopping me from succeeding, from finally getting things done. I knew he was right – that I was afraid – I just didn’t know why.
The Reasons for Crisis
Two days later, I got a book in the mail called Inner Voice, and a little bit of sage advice that told me that crisis is usually fueled by one of four things: a habit we need to break, a character defect that needs to be corrected, a behavior that needs to be changed, or we’re not doing something that we’re aren’t living out our purpose in life. I’ve known for over 10 years that my purpose is to teach people how much God loves them. I’ve also known for almost 4 years that God wants me to write my story and share it with the world, but I have fought him tooth and nail on it because I know that being that spiritually and emotionally naked in front of people opens me up for criticism and will subject me to a lot of judgement and pain.
It’s not that I didn’t write my story. I did. The first time, I even sent it out to a publisher. But when he asked me what set it apart from all the other books on the market that addressed the issues in my book, I wasn’t prepared with an answer. I used the rejection as an excuse to scuttle back to the safety of my hiding place and never revised the book or looked at it again. The second time, I wrote it and decided to self-publish, but I told myself I needed to edit it first before I released it and then took on so many other projects that the editing got put off multiple times over.
The Leap of Faith
As a result, God has put me in a position where the only way out and the only way up is to finally give in and do what He’s been asking me to do and get them out there. Fast forward to today. I’m unemployed, we barely have enough food to eat in the house, and I have $250 to my name. That’s it. I’m behind on rent, electric and phone are due, and I don’t have enough for everything I need – but I decide to take the money and finally dig deep enough for the courage I need to invest in myself. I buy Your Big Beautiful Book Plan. My hands are shaking as I hit that buy button and the constant thought in my mind is, “What if I’m making a mistake?”
I dive right in and open up the workbook. As I start looking over the exercises, I find myself thinking, “What if I do this wrong? What if I make a mistake?” and that’s when it hits me: the fear that’s been holding me up from doing what I know I’m called to do is that fear of doing the wrong thing. “What if I’m doing it wrong?”
I think back to my childhood and the anxiety I felt every time I did an assignment. I was the kid that would run to the teacher for confirmation that every little piece was being done right before I could find the courage to move forward. God, however, doesn’t give me those confirmations directly. He wants me to take leaps of faith, and that means that I have to step out in courage without being certain of what I will find on the other side.
Sharing the Journey
I intend to share with you my journey of going through Your Big Beautiful Book Plan. I’m surprised to find that even though I haven’t really started in on the workbook, I’ve already made a giant leap forward by figuring out what was holding me back in the first place. Nobody can write your book for you. It’s something you have to do on your own. However, that doesn’t mean you need to take the journey alone. In fact, you shouldn’t. You need to surround yourself with people who will cheer you on, challenge you, and help you overcome the obstacles you can’t get past on your own.
If you’re someone who has also purchased Your Big Beautiful Book Plan, I encourage you to share your story in the comments section. What benefits have you gained? What problems have you encountered? If you’ve been considering buying but haven’t made that leap forward yet, what’s holding you back?
Note: The link to Your Big Beautiful Book Plan is an affiliate link. Yes, I do make money if you buy it.